Dynamic Duos

As long as there has been drank to be drunk and food to be chewed, man has been marrying particularly tasty pairs together as part of what we call cuisine. Pairings that have withstood the long test of time become delicious dogma, by virtue of their compatibility. For who can entertain the idea of steak au poivre without a red Bordeaux? Cedar-plank salmon without a Chardonnay? And what, pray tell, is an egg salad without vodka? True, we all may differ in terms of individual preference, but culture has evolved to point us collectively in the right direction, relying on our similar tastes to aid us all in our daily struggle with the omnivore’s dilemma.

One’s mastery of food-to-drink pairing has always been a measure of cultural wisdom and acuity. What, then, is the American college student to do? Without the money, time, or interest to make meals from more than three ingredients—most often noodles, milk, and cheese powder—options are severely limited as to intricate pairings. Lacking the guiding hand of the mother and father, students are left to their own designs in deciding which beer goes best with which pre-packaged breakfast pastry. In truth, much work needs to be done in codifying college cuisine. God willing, we should all become masters and culinary artists, but first we must work to understand the basics. For who expects the Ringling Brother’s motorcycle-riding bear to perform figure eights without first practicing circles and learning to stifle his bloodlust, fear the whip, and keep his bear diaper on? With that in mind, Better Dorms & ‘Partments would like to provide its student readership with six basic dinner and drink combinations. We surveyed students across the country to find the most common pantry and refrigerator items and made our list accordingly. Bon appetit!

Chicken Flavored Maruchan Ramen and Bud Light
Naturally, the go-to ramen flavor with the go-to light beer. Each of these taste little like their purported categories—Bud Light is closer to alcoholic water than beer, and Maruchan’s “chicken” flavoring creates a sharp, unyielding taste category in and of itself that fails to recall the experience of real chicken. Paired together, they become something akin to a good cold soup on the palette—the harsh crispness of chicken ramen shrinks into something pleasant and mild, while Bud Light, with its new salty partner, tastes a little less like funky bread.

Oriental Flavored Maruchan Ramen and Miller High life
Miller High Life, the so-called “Champagne of Beers,” has a taste akin to licking vomit-covered leaves off the metal blade of a rake. It has the smell of corn and the appearance of highly sedimented urine. The profile stays thin all the way down, with a refreshing soda-like hit of carbonation. Think of oriental ramen as the soy sauce begged by this starchy beer. With a coating of oriental spice on the palette, the pukey overtones of High Life become provoking notes that dance around the edges of the aftertaste.

Creamy Chicken Flavored Maruchan Ramen and Coors Light
Creamy chicken ramen takes the metaphorical fowl of the chicken flavor and feeds it buttered popcorn for a month before slitting its throat, drying the body, and grinding it into ramen spice. The simple faux-chicken taste is really rounded out into something robust and rich. Coors Light is similarly sweet, buttery, and warm for a light beer, and pairing the two together serves to heighten the sweetness of each. The buttery chicken base directs the Coors taste heavenward, toward something floral, crisp, and effervescent.

Beef Flavored Maruchan
Ramen and Pabst Blue Ribbon
Ah, PBR. Despite the hipster label, Pabst Blue Ribbon is undoubtedly a working man’s beer in the American tradition. Beef-flavored ramen is its hetero life partner, and the two love nothing more than to combine the strong, saucy, heartiness of a good steak with the light-to-moderate bodied brightness of one of America’s cheapest lagers. The kiss of hops is the cowboy that drives this strong ramen herd home, with a dry finish that says, “Yes, I am proud to be an American, and part of that includes shamelessly commoditizing traditions of eastern food and loving the shit out of it.”

Shrimp Flavored Maruchan Ramen and Keystone Ice
Shrimp is probably the least-popular ramen flavor, due to its domineering briny overtones. Keystone Ice is similarly marred by an ostentatiously high and metallic profile. Together, though, these two failings cancel each other out—shrimp becomes bearable, and Keystone shows a surprisingly darker side that ends round and sweet. Shrimp flavoring simply brings out the complexity of Keystone, revealing it as a bouquet that begins with a light, fruity advance, perfectly balanced by a rich, full-bodied, earthy aftertaste.