Man U(p)

I’m going to go out on a limb here, and say you probably don’t watch

much soccer. Not to stereotype (I’m stereotyping), but this is America. And the South at that. You probably consider soccer to be a “pansy” sport, or something like that. I’ll be generous and overlook your ignorant, slightly homophobic prejudices. But I can’t pretend you care about soccer, let alone watch it.

To you, soccer is probably like curling. Every four years it becomes the

best thing on TV. During the Winter Olympics every fourth year, curling becomes popular. You can joke around with your buddies about the uniforms, the different techniques, and the sport in general. You mock curling, but for that month you love it.

Later that year, the World Cup takes over ESPN for a month during the

summer. (Because honestly, the only other sport at that time is baseball, and who gives a fuck about that?) Suddenly, you and everyone at Buffalo Wild Wings loves soccer. Magically you’re all experts on it, and totally know the best way to get the ball up the field. You could totally have scored that header, and if you had shot the ball it definitely would have gone in. Again, I’ll overlook this blatant egoism. I’m just happy that I finally have people with whom I can talk soccer.
But we still have over two years left before the next World Cup, and I’m running out of people willing to listen to my strongly opinionated views on various national teams and soccer clubs. So I’ll have to be satisfied with you five people, those wondrous souls who trudge through 11 pages of self-deprecation and ironic judgments, and make it all the way to the last page of the Dec.

Let’s get down to business.

No, not to defeat the Huns. That comes later when there’s no soccer games

on television, and we’re playing Disney movie drinking games. Right now we’re going to talk about why Manchester United is, has always been, and will always be, better than Manchester City.

If you pretend to know a little bit about soccer, you might be rolling

your eyes right now. You’re going to try to tell me that Manchester United is like the Yankees of the English Premier League (EPL). You’re going to tell me that I’m a bandwagon fan, and all the fans new to soccer support United because they win. A lot. And yeah, okay, United definitely has some of that. When you’ve won the most League Championships of any team, you’re going to attract some fickle fans. But they’re not the Yankees of English soccer.
They’re more like the NFL’s Patriots (without the cheating scandal). Manchester United is consistently superior. In 1992, England restructured its soccer leagues, and created the EPL. In every season since then, Manchester United has finished in the top three.

United wins a lot. And haters gonna hate.

So you can go ahead and spew insults, but I’m a United fan. And even if

they start suffering some setbacks, I believe. Because United just has this incredible will to win. It’s ingrained in every player. It’s in the very moral fiber of United’s manager, Alex Ferguson. It’s the culture.

So I recognize that they may be struggling this season. They might

be behind Manchester City in the standings right now, but I believe. I believe they’ll come back. Because it’s not just a culture of winning that sets United apart. It’s not just their history of excellence. It’s not just their incredible coach or their star-studded alums.

It’s the fact that they are a team. They don’t buy their way into greatness.

They are not the Yankees of English soccer. Manchester City, on the other hand, is the equivalent of the Yankees. They’ve spent big money acquiring a couple stars. They spent over 20 million pounds to attract the infamously temperamental Italian soccer player Mario Balotelli. They’ve wasted countless other funds on other stars?

And for what? So they can be great for a season or two? Balotelli’s

antics might force him to leave the EPL. And eventually all the “stars” they’ve bought will eventually retire. And then where will they be?

Behind Manchester United. Because United utilizes its youth leagues.

It cultivates greatness from an early age. It builds teammates who don’t have to think about each other’s style of play. It builds teammates who can come into the EPL at 20 and create soccer so beautiful you cry. Manchester United has a future. It has a future this season, in which it will regain the lead and win the league once again. But more importantly, it has a future for the next 50 years.