Poodah

Groh a Pair
As you’ve probably heard by now, Al Groh has been fired from the position of U.Va.’s head football coach. In his absence, the student body will need a new scapegoat for the eminent losing streak. Here are some of the possibilities that Poodah came up with:

• The glare off of the pearls are blinding the players temporarily, making it hard to see the ball. That’s why they never catch! It’s not because they can’t, dummy!
• The players confuse the striped ties with the stripes on field. That’s why they’re constantly tackling fans instead of other players. It’s not that they’re scared of the other players, stupidhead!
• Football players are required to be good at school.
• Communism and dishonesty, just cuz.

Happy Holidays!
For Thanksgiving, a group of astronauts were surprised to have a Turkey dinner. In honor of AIDS day, you wouldn’t believe what Poodah sent! (Hint: It rhymes with “Dypodermic Deedle”)

O Oprah! My Oprah!
Upon hearing the news that Oprah Winfrey was canceling her show in 2011, Poodah grew very emotional, cried for a day, and then tried to express its feelings through a series of haikus. This is an excerpt from the collection.

Dear Oprah Winfrey
My mom likes your show a lot
Tom Cruise on your couch

Dear Oprah Winfrey
You make weight loss glamorous
Fat in a wagon

Dear Oprah Winfrey
You were made for a haiku
Leaves blowing on you

You get a car you
Get a car you get a car
You get a car you
Yoga Bringing Down the Man
In Alexandria, VA a couple of yoga instructors were perturbed by a proposed law that would make it necessary for yoga instructors to have a license. When Poodah asked what their plan of action was, what they said showed that they weren’t gonna let the man bring them down:

“Well we’re going to slooooowly overthrow the govermnent. Now breathe for 10 loooooong seconds. Exhale. Our first plan is to turn up the heat on Earth. Some people call it global warming, we call it Bikram. Now brreeeeeaaaaathe. Exhale. Then we’re going to turn all water supplies into green tea, and everyone will just feel better about themselves. Now breathe, and exhale. Then every yogi on the east coast will fart simultaneously, releasing their internal qualms and leaving the Earth smelling of eggs. Now breathe that in!”

Clubbin’
Last Friday, Tiger Woods crashed his Cadillac into a fire hydrant. His wife broke a window with one of his golf clubs and pulled him out. Some say it was an innocent accident. Others say Tiger’s wife was attacking him
after she found out he might be having affairs. Here are Poodah’s theories:

1. It all started when Mrs. Woods saw a fly on Tiger’s shirt. As an avid hater of flies, she tried to find a fly swatter but couldn’t. All she could find were golf clubs, so she grabbed one and started swinging away. Tiger misunderstood her intentions, ran out the door, got in the car, drove away, crashed, and went unconscious. Then his wife chased him down, broke the window with the club, and the fly flew away. End of story.
2. Tiger Wood’s wife took PCP and went apeshit. Then while Tiger went for a drive his wife confused hugging him with beating him with a golf club. Luckily there was a car in the way. End of story.
3. It was opposite day and they love each other A LOT. And that’s how it happened.