Poodah 38/3

Avatemy Awards
Poodah recently stumbled upon a letter addressed to the Academy from James Cameron in a last ditch attempt to get Avatar included in as many Oscar categories as humanly (Na’vi-ly) possible. Though Cameron claimed the competition would still be tight, Poodah could guess which way the votes would swing within these added categories:

• Best James Cameron Movie of the Year
• Best Movie to Make You Feel Like Shit
• Best Blue Tittays
• Best Movie to Watch with 3-D Glasses
• Best FernGully Remake
• The James Cameron Titanic Award For Excellence in Filmmaking

Switch Hitting
Poodah has been waiting with bated breath to see if Congress will agree to repeal the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy currently in effect in the military. When Poodah asked Defense Secretary Gates his opinion on the matter he replied, “I wish it could go both ways.”

Bull[y] Sharks
While surfing the web, Poodah was shocked to hear that a 14-year old Kiwi girl brutally attacked a shark with her boogie board. Concerned, Poodah caught up with the young shark to see how he was recovering, and it seemed the shark was suffering from a lot more than surface wounds. He was being bullied by the other sharks at school who had heard of the attack. They rubbed him the wrong way figuratively, which sharks hate, and literally, which sharks hate even more. Being a broad nosed seven-gill shark didn’t help the taunting, as the other sharks reminded him his nose was the perfect target for the girl’s brutalizing blow. Poodah watched as the young shark, unable to stand it any longer, had to be picked up by his mom. As the other sharks yelled, “fucking guppie!” Poodah swears to have heard the shark crying. One benefit of living in the ocean is that no one can see your tears.

Lost and Found
While on a diehard Lost fan blog, Poodah came across a spoiler alert for the last season: Matthew Fox is bad at acting (and pregnant).

Atomikidz
Iran seems to have a lot of extra uranium lying around and, with the UN putting a damper on its plan to trade for nuclear fuel, Iran had no choice but to find another use for its uranium supply. After discovering a cell phone belonging to a prominent Iranian Uranium dealer, Poodah realized uranium seems to have caught on among the kids. Here is a seemingly ordinary series of text messages that contains a nuclear amount of underlying meaning:

Kid: You got any of that RadioSnow?
Dealer: Wait, you mean ‘Yum?
Kid: Oh, you mean Not Uranium?
Dealer: Wait, you mean Uranium or Not Uranium?
Kid: I mean Myanium, not Uranium.
Dealer: You want dat shit Enriched?
Kid: Yeah, and no stems.
Dealer: Alright, see you in the parking lot behind the CVS. I’ll be the one in the burka!
Kid: Alright, see you in 5, I’m gonna jump in the shower.
Dealer: Wait, you mean the sour?
Kid: No, I don’t mess with that shit.
Dealer: Niether do I.
Kid: Good.

Be a Saint
Poodah is involved in a football pool at work, but in the past, hasn’t been that successful at picking the winning teams. With a track record of 0 percent accuracy spanning over the last 15 superbowls, Poodah has lost respect among colleagues. However, this time it feels right. Judging from the statistics of past superbowls, Poodah’s current prediction for the upcoming game is that Keith Moon’s boob is going to slip.