Volume 38, Issue 1

Horoscopes

Thu, December 3, '09 | Philip Dameron

Aries (March 21—April 19):
Reduce stress caused by finals by not taking them.

Taurus (April 20—May 20):
Those pills you take aren’t going to change the fact that you are generally a crappy person.

Gemini (May 21—June 21):
Don’t make claims you can’t back up with textual evidence.

Cancer (June 22—July 22):
Ask for something expensive for Christmas and you will receive a slightly less expensive version of the same thing.

Leo (July 23—Aug. 22):
The early bird gets tired during the day.

Virgo (Aug. 23—Sept. 22):Read more...

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