Volume 37, Issue 3

With a career spanning back to 1965, it is clear that Yasutaka Tsutsui has never lacked fresh writing material. The stories collected in Salmonella Men On Planet Porno are no exception to Tsutsui’s familiar (or maybe less-than-familiar) prose fantasies. In typical fashion, every story is absurd, every one achingly funny, and every one unforgettable. Tsutsui crafts perfectly simple sentences, translated from the Japanese by Andrew Driver, about isolation, fear, loss, sexuality, identity, and fulfillment, without ever having to mention any of those words.Read more...

Animal Collective has ditched the personal for the universal, the specific for the general, and like Francis Bacon, Merriweather Post Pavilion has the opportunity to sizzle or to burn.

The controversy over whether or not the band “leaked their own damn album,” and the cryptic revelation of their track listing via video on their site makes it apparent: this psych rock band was overly psyched about this one.Read more...

Two-piece Charlottesville outfit Birdlips is starting to make quite a flutter. Their debut, Cardboard Wings was recently named favorite local album of the year by the C-Ville Weekly. They have been featured in the Washington Post, the Washington Time, and on NPR’s song of the day for their track, “Tire Chains.” Before rushing off to New York for a show, recent U.Va. alumni Lindsay Pitts and Cliff Usher took some time out of their blossoming musical careers to sit down and talk with the Dec.Read more...

In many ways, the two holiday shows I had the privilege to witness over break produced the same warm-yet-revolting feelings I experienced upon first viewing Paul McCarthy’s infamous “Chocolate Santa Butt Plug.” Like McCarthy’s sculptures, they once more revived the magical pleasures of Christmas with an oddball, kitsch charm. Yet, they also produced a sickening reminder from my heart to my bowels: America, culturally, is going to shit. Or, perhaps better said, is hemorrhaging shit. Reader, allow me to get a few things off my chest.Read more...

Ever since the first panicked rumblings of economic catastrophe started emanating from Wall Street, the news media, as well as popular culture, has been obsessed with doom and gloom. Countless hours of television coverage have been devoted to blaming various institutions for the global economy’s collapse. And since the recession is a global phenomenon, foreign newspapers have gotten into this blame game: they place the fault completely on the U.S. and our “materialistic” society.Read more...

“Okay ladies and gentlemen, you’re ready for the real thing. On my count.
Firm grip. Deep breath. Finger on the trigger.”

Up, aim, PULL.Read more...

Charlottesville schools are planning to respond to proposed budget cuts suggested through a recent “efficiency study,” which produced some unexpected findings. Though some of the Charlottesville City School (CCS) division’s suggestions for addressing the budget problems have been met with enthusiasm, others are causing consternation among parents and faculty.Read more...

On January 20th, University of Virginia Dean of Admissions John Blackburn passed away at the age of 67. He lost a fight against cancer, but not before leaving a legacy at the University.Read more...

Dear Doc,

When you told us last month that Tom might have Tuberculosis, I just couldn’t believe it was true. However, his cough is getting worse and worse every day. We’ve been giving him that whiskey/molasses mix that you prescribed, but nothing’s easing his cough. Elizabeth and I are having a hard time dealing with the idea that we could lose our boy. If you could please come out soon and do whatever you could to help, we would be ever grateful.

Archaically,
Emma Smith

Dear Ma,Read more...

We would like to begin by sincerely apologizing for the lack of fresh, brand-spankin’-new newspapers in those stands next to the Other Publication on Grounds™ these first few weeks of the semester. It’s been a hectic run getting Volume 37 of the Declaration into gear, but we hope that an extra-long turbo twenty-four-page issue chock full of enlightenment may now ease some of your pain.Read more...